Life is good. Fast, but good.

It's coming up on the close of another semester of my college life and, as usual, I have no idea how the hell it slipped by me so fast. I feel like digging my nails into the ground behind me in an effort to slow things down... It's not exactly like I particularly like everything about "now"; I could do without the stress of random unrelated assignments and grading rubric (after fifteen years, grades are getting REALLY old), along with trying to juggle working outside of classes on college income trying to keep my head above the proverbial financial waters. But all this aside, I really, really love being here. And I don't want to race through this without getting the chance to explore, take lots of pictures, and make plenty of stupid decisions.

I'm a graphic design major and loving it. From here on out, my schedule is pretty much set out before me, and I'm on course graduate Fall of 2010. Part of me wishes I could stay here for another year... pick up Spanish, take some more studio classes (what I wouldn't give for space for a ceramics, printmaking, jewelry making, sculpture, or another figure drawing class!), or tack on a second major. But unfortunately my schedule restrictions don't have room for any more classes outside of what's left ahead, and I've got to snag a good internship after classes are done in order for me to graduate. I'm feeling as though I'm tied down from here on out - yes, it'll be good, but there's so much structure it's, well, rigid.

Morocco is underway. Just the fact that things are falling so assuredly into place is incredibly freaky. I've started the process to get myself into the system so I can search/apply for traineeships - I'm aiming for marketing - and I'm applying for my passport first thing after finals. I've now got over $1,600 saved up and estimate that I can put aside at least $700 more come May. Not a lot, but by my calculations with Liz's help (she went to Morocco this summer), I've so far got enough to live and travel comfortably for the summer. Now all I need is the plane ticket and outside travel I choose to embark on: Egypt? Europe? Who knows! All I can say is thank goodness for loan money. I'm starting to count down the months. That's the freaky part. It hasn't quite hit me yet that this is something I'm actually going to make happen, that I'm actually going through with this. Holy shit. Morocco. I'm sure there will be more panic later, so I'll leave that to when it really sinks in.

I can't tell you how amazing it's been, having Adam by my side as support through all of this. My parents are definitely less than enthusiastic about the idea of me going to Morocco - "we'd really rather your first experience abroad be someplace in Europe" - which is understandable, considering they're my parents and it's their job to worry about me. My mom has the wonderful knack of adult logic that unintentionally shoots down my optimism, her latest argument being over how the hell I could even consider spending money I don't have to spare on going abroad in an economy like this. Morocco has become so more than a trip I'm planning for... a year or so ago it was a bar thrown higher than any I'd ever set that is suddenly becoming reachable, it is a promise of excitement and personal challenge that I know will change me forever, but most of all, Morocco is the silent test of whether or not I can actually keep a promise I make to myself, allowing myself to go out and do something I've always dreamed of doing.

I don't know how, but Adam seems to know this. He looked me in the eye and told me something that did more to boost my confidence in this summer than anything else could possibly come close to: "This may not be my dream, but it's something you want to do. By God I'm going to do everything I can to support you and help you make this happen." It literally brought tears to my eyes, and all I could do was sink against his chest and smile in his arms. It's going to suck, being away from each other for the entire summer, but we're now looking at this as an opportunity to soul search what we want to get out of the near post-college future and figure out what we want to go after. We know we'll be just fine in terms of being a relationship, and I think this'll strengthen what we already have. After all, "absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires." -Francois de la Rochefoucauld.

Adam is unbelievable. He's blown me away since the day I met him, and now that we're together, I can't see myself touching down again... It sounds incredibly naive, I know. But the more I learn about him, the good, the difficult, the scary, the more I love him for being human. He's got his issues, and I've got mine, and we're open about them and with each other. We want similar things in life and are toying with the idea of living together in the near future. I am well aware of the fact that this whole thing might not last - we both are - and we both can't see ourselves wanting or causing this to end. I'd say these ideas of a future with him are scary... but I feel a bizarre and reassuring sense of calm stability being with him. He's the first person I've ever met that I can honestly say I could see myself winding up with. And what's even more amazing is curling up with him, conversations leading in no particular direction, the two of us realizing that we both feel the same way.

I love him. I have no idea what's ahead for us... I can only hope for the best, and that we both go after what makes us truly happy, and that that leads us to one another along the way. Nobody ever says what to do at this point. Adam and I aren't really sure, so we're just enjoying what we've got going on right now without worrying about things or thinking too far ahead. Right now, I think that's the best possible thing: we're both happy, and that's all that matters.

Chris and I were talking the other day... Another one of our late night, post-AIESEC meeting chats. We were talking about relationships and futures and careers and college: the usual. I have no concrete plans after graduation besides a general compulsion to check out the Pacific Northwest. I have no idea how - or if - this college relationship will adapt to this next stage. He smiled at me. "You're on your way to a career you enjoy, you have a job, and you've found someone you want to be with. Most people would kill for that." I'm not about to argue with him.

At this point in my life, I feel happy; really, REALLY happy. And though things may be moving faster than I'd prefer, I'm not so worried about where I'm being pushed so much as enjoying what I'm being pushed through. Things'll figure themselves out as long as I set myself up for a plethora of options and leave things open to interpretation. And I know I've got a man at my side that'll be there through thick and thin.

Life is good. (Insert smiley here)